The Week of May 1st, 2022

>>>>>> Golden Calf Smoothie <<<<<<

Sermon Noodles

We are compassionate people. Sometimes however, when someone suffers, in our own discomfort we say things that ask people not to feel a certain way. 

There is actually a term for it called “invalidation.” It is a way in which we try and talk people out of their feelings, which is one of the worst things you can do for someone. 

Four of the worst things you can say to people according to psychologist Dr. Jamie Young (and one from Pastor Dan)

1.     “It could be worse.”

A young woman is grieving her short-lived marriage. A friend comes up, puts her arm around her and says, “It could be worse! You could have had children with him. You are still young and you can remarry.”

2.     “You shouldn’t feel that way”

“We have no authority to decide how a person should or shouldn’t feel. Only they know that! Denying a person’s perspective can—and often does—make them feel crazy, invisible and small.”

3.     “Don’t think about it, this too shall pass.”

“Imagine you have spent a large amount of time training for a marathon. You’ve worked really hard to condition your body and you’re confident that you have achieved the necessary level of fitness to run in it. Just a few days before the marathon, an unfortunate accident results in a broken leg. Sadness, anger, frustration, and deflation might describe a few feelings subsequent to the situation. Assuming you’re not completely unreasonable, it’s unlikely that you will tell yourself: “Don’t think about it, just get on with it.” Your leg is broken! You can’t run a marathon with a broken leg, right?

Lamb states, “When we trivialize, minimize or disavow feelings, we inevitably cause the emotions to grow. Believe me, these emotions will find a way to be expressed--aches & pains, diarrhea, panic attacks, emotional eating, drugs, alcohol, etc.).

4.     “I am not having this discussion.” Or “I don’t want to talk about it.”

This is a version of the silent treatment. I am a victim and I am going to punish you by not talking to you. We may not want to have the discussion but we can still listen and be present. 

5.     I am going to add one more:  “It must be God’s will.”  

Sometimes we use this line when we don’t know what else to say, that in the face of immense suffering we offer something that might be helpful—and it isn’t.